It’s become a bit of a buzz word, but what does self care look like really? When I used to think of self care, I thought of facials, spa days and mostly what the media and those that want to sell us something have bombarded us with over the past 5-10 years. It’s become a very effective marketing tactic to fleece consumers, especially women, making them believe that self care is something you do that costs money. Is this the truth though? Whilst facials and spa days are relaxing. They are aspects of self care that last briefly and we want self care to be something that can be drawn upon and done at any time day or night, whether you have 5 minutes or 5 hours free.

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What Does Self Care Looks Like?

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Boundaries

Not having is a huge lack of self care. Boundaries are important for us as they draw a line to what kind of behaviours we will and won’t accept from the people in our lives. Without boundaries we can grow resentful when we feel we have to say yes to things we would rather say no to. By not exercising self care and declining, thus creating a boundary, we are not being authentic to our needs. This can spell disaster for relationships and friendships alike. Resentment can be a big elephant in the room if not addressed. It leads to arguments, underlying jealous, resentment and passive aggressiveness. All of which can lead to very unpleasant behaviours from us eventually.

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Consequences to over stepped boundaries

Lets say you are the kind of person that has boundaries firmly in place (if this is you, good work!). However, having boundaries alone is NOT ENOUGH. You have to uphold your boundaries by instilling consequences to those whom feel that they are allowed to over step your boundaries. Without ramifications to a disregard of your boundary, you may as well not bother setting one. Consequences need not be harsh, but they need to be enough to highlight that you take yourself seriously and know that you are just as important as the other person. Most importantly will not accept your needs being side-lined for any other persons needs. Again not doing this may eventually lead to you behaving unkindly and blaming yourself. When by just exercising a boundary and consequence you can show your worth and gain the respect of those around you.

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Time for yourself

Traditionally this is what most people think self care is. Time spent on yourself. It’s more than this though. It’s time spent on yourself WITHOUT GUILT. Spending time on yourself is often seen as selfish and anything selfish is usually frowned upon. I would like you to get comfortable with being ‘selfish’ with your time. We can’t give from an empty cup. And by that i mean, if we have no energy left to give, we won’t be giving the best of ourselves to those that we love, like our partner or children. They deserve the best of us and in order to get the best of us, we need to give to our self first. We need to be mentally and physically rested. Happy and not depleted of love.

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A great analogy is this: When on a plane and the air masks drop, we are told that we must put the mask on ourselves FIRST, THEN those whom are struggling such as children, the infirm etc. This makes total sense. If we are passed out we can’t help others!

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Lets use that thought when it comes to raising kids or loving our partner. Give to yourself FIRST, then give to others from the overflow you have. You will be able to tell if you are giving yourself enough self care, as you will give to others happily without feeling depleted or negative. You feel happy, they feel happy, communication flows easily.

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So whatever you do under the umbrella of SELF CARE, These 3 things are by far the most important to integrate into your routine.

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Struggling with anything i have talked about today? If you have get in touch and lets discuss how i can help you.